A Night of Stoicism

The ashes from my vice fall to the ground, twirling a very loose dance as they make their way toward my bare feet. I can hear the neighbor's television broadcasting drivel and mediocraty to whomever would listen. I am standing outside, what little wind whips through the air,

Would the call come? Would I be waiting in vain?

I had called earlier, wanting to talk to him. To see if everything was ok. Everything as it turns out, was not ok. Nothing major, mind you. Just a tired man on the end of the line. Didn't want to talk at the moment, said he would call me back.

Would the call come? Would I be waiting in vain?

I send out the hand-written letters, I send out the emails, I make the phone calls, but does it do any good I wonder? Would he remember? I open the door to the sound of my television. My own box booming it's own silent noise. Not quiet, in the sense that I can't hear it. But quiet in the sense that I don't pay attention to it, as my mind is somewhere else, on somebody else, at someother time.

Would the call come? Would I be waiting in vain?

The phone rings, it's a friend. Not the person I was wanting to talk to, but a welcome diversion nonetheless. We make small talk, the usual chit-chat. I hang up. I wait. And I wonder. And I think about my childhood how I had it all planned out. I was more naive than I am now. I still make mistakes, but not the same ones I've made in the past. I had it all planned out, I was thinking. I had it planned to the 'T'.

The call didn't come. I had been waiting in vain.

I make my way to bed, not turning off the television. I don't dare cry, but I can't help when I stay awake for the following two hours, mind racing with thoughts. "Why?" I wonder to myself, "Why can't I just be normal?"

But then a single spot of clarity hits me, of who amoung us freaks is normal? We've all got our secrets. We've all got our demons. And we've all got our vices. I guess I am just like everybody else after all.

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Junk Prose I
-By-
J

Who's the best widdle cute-ums wootums?

Stopped by the store on the way home, and pick up some needed milk, bread and other food stuff. I also grabbed some canned cat food, thinking April might like to mix it up a bit. I am now the king of the house. It was like she knew I had something for her. As soon as I put down her bowl of new food, she devoured it. I am happy.

I am also King of the Cats. Mrraw!

Ok, that was pretty gay, huh? Eh, screw it. It's my blog... :-)

Command thy armies to RISE UP!

On the comic that Patrick and I had, I posted a link to an online game that lets you wage warfare against other players. It was called Kings of Chaos and was pretty fun for a while, until you start getting big and don't log in for several days like I would do and prompty get your butt handed to you. The reason I bring this up?

I have started a new army! This time during the game's "Forth Age" so we'll see if that holds special meaning. Anyway, if you would like to sign up, and I ask that you please do, just to make my army bigger, that you sign up under this link. You start out very small, but you get money every 30 minutes, and before long you can start building your armies and equipping them with armor and other stuff like that. If you've got some free time on your hands, it only takes about five minutes for initial sign up and then just once a day, or whenever at your leasure. It's just something fun to do and I thought I would include my friends as best as I could.
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Talked to Bib tonight. Her dad's sick, plus she's still has a sore back that is just causing her all kinds of pain. Not to mention me, who is also a pain. heh... She's just beyond ready to get her house done and finished. I don't blame her. I am ready for her. And I know she is ready as well. I hope she get's her house done quick and everything in place for the summer.
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I'll be coming down this weekend, so anybody who wants to see me, let me know!

Clean hands

When I was a little kid, I had a fervor for washing my hands. When I went to the bathroom, or ate candy and got sticky, or played in the dirt, I would always make it a point to wash my hands afterwards. I remember one time on a school trip, we went to visit the Ada Candy Factory, and as part of the tour we got to make our very own candy canes. But for some reason, they didn't take into account that this would get about 28 kids sticky with sugar solution, so when we got back on the bus, I couldn't wash my hands right then and started crying.

Crying, because I was going to be sticky until we got back to school and who knows how long that would take!

So, I was just in the restroom here at work, and I was washing my hands, thinking of this. It felt good, to clense then, feel the water running over them, soaping them up at my leasure, scrubing with my fingernails at my hands and wrists. Oh yeah, I wash my wrists too, always have. Well, just thought about that one time at the candy factory. I hate being sticky if I can help it.
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Anybody want to take a trip with me to Gravity Road or the Coral Castle? I'll spring for gas and snacks...
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Circle Cinema in Tulsa is showing "West Side Story" with Natalie Wood and that sassy Rito Moreno on April 3rd. I'm thinking about catching it on the big screen.

"When you're a Jet
You're a Jet all the way!
From your first cigarette,
to your last dyin' day!"

Awesome.

The Ego Survives

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Did a quick but grueling thirty minutes on an eliptical machine at the Y. Found out I have in fact been losing weight, so I'm excited that with the cardio, it will help out even more. God-willing, I will continue this way of life, the whole "eating less, more exercise" kind of thing and won't weigh a ton anymore.

After a shower and a trip to the pharmacy, Pat and I went into T-Town and did a little shopping. He's still bitter about Best Buy, so we didn't stop there. heh... But I did get my "Nasicaa"! Only, the place we went to, Circuit City, didn't carry the other two Miyazaki films being released today. So I'll have to wait and pick them up somewhere else. I'm on the fence about "The Cat Returns", but will probably pick up "Porco Rosso" later this week. If you're a Miyazaki fan, please do the same. Also picked up some more manga I've been getting into. So far, it's been limited to past or current runs in Shonen Jump, but they are all worthy of reading. If any of the Ada or Tulsa crew want to read what I have and bone up on some stuff before the Kon, let me know and I'll get what I can to you.

Wicked Sweeeeeet!

Got a lot done today. This morning I woke up a little stiff, but went straight to the YMCA and signed up (again) and got my ID card and everything. Since I wasn't dressed to work out, I went to Wal-Mart (I know, hypocrite...) and looked for some brad nails, couldn't find any, so deceided to walk over to Lowe's since I didin't work out that morning. It's a good 1/5 - 1/4 mile walk from the East entrance of Wal-Mart to the West entrance of Lowe's, and the had a little multi-pack of brads, tacks and tiny nails that suited me fine. Walked around for a bit, and when I got back to my truck, saw that Jennifer had called me. She said I could pick the bed up, and that I would need a screwdriver. Damn. So I drove back over to Lowe's, popped in for a screwdriver set and then picked the bed up.

When I got home, Maintenence was here fixing my water heater. They replaced the heating element again and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Doing dishes right now, so we'll see if does the job. I set the bed up and moved some things around in the apartment. Got my internet working through the router with a quick call to the ISP. Now everything is flowing nicely, in fact this is the first post from the desktop since I've lived here in the apartments again.

Talked to Bib last night and she confirmed her participation to A-Kon, so I ordered her ticket and badge, along with mine. I am so excited that she's getting to go with me to this. It means a ton to me. Pretty much stayed busy today, which was a nice change of pace when I normally stay home up here alone. With the exception of my old sheets not fitting the mattress, it's been a good day. Just wish I had my vacuum I bought last weekend. We had taken Bib's van to go to the city with her sister and since I came back early to let Bib study without distractions, I had left in such a hurry that I had forgot the vacuum in the back of her van. D'oh!

Anyway, have the TV going, American Chopper had an all day marathon that just went off as I was typing this. Don't know what I'll do tonight. Had defrosted some pork chops, so I will throw them in the oven and maybe make a little salad, get my greens on. Looking forward to picking up Nasiccaa tomorrow, maybe Pat and I can do our old skool Tuesday buying spree. We'll see.

If anybody has any ideas of what to a get a five-year-old girl that she would love, not only to play with, but would also hold her attention for a few months, give me some holla's and let me know. I am going to get my dinner fixed and convelese on the couch for a while.

Quick thanks to Mike for cheering me up last night. I was a little down and you brought me up. I realize I am blessed and very much so. Everybody have a good Mondizzy!

Laying in the dark, prose spewing out

So I'm home alone, bored out of my mind. I went and bought a wireless router for my home LAN, only to find out that my ISP has a single MAC address allowance for their customers, so the cable modem I got Friday will only work with the laptop, since it was the first to use it. I will have to call tomorrow and have them release the intitial MAC so I can use the one the router comes with. I tried to dupe the laptop's MAC on the router, but for some reason it's not taking and it's frustraiting me.

So, I'm laying in the floor, listening to NPR, petting April while she playfully bites me. We have a good understanding, the cat and I. I don't jump out at her from behind a door and she doesn't step on the keyboard when I'm typing. We've both learned our lessons the hard way... When Brigette brought her up, she had an injury from being an outside cat, and it's still not healing. I've debated on taking her to the vet, but I will need to get a cat carrier first. I don't think they would appretiate me bringing in a non-leashed cat, and kitty and myself both know neither of us are getting a collar on her. :-)

I'm debating on what to do this weekend. I'm staying up here in Tulsa and missing Bib something fierce. She might come up next weekend to go shopping for Mary's upcoming birthday. Mary Bear will be the big FIVE here in little more than a week, so I want to get her something cool. She's got toys to play with, and any kid likes getting more toys, but I would like to get her something she would use for more than ten minutes. Something that would let her use her imagination and stretch her mind. I will have to confir with her madre'. I'm not too keen on what is appropriate for a five year old girl, me being a 30 year old male and all...

A-Kon will be coming up in about three months. So far it's David, Erin, Mr. West (Mac-Daddy) and myself. Smitty and Bib are maybe's at this point. Smitty has his wedding anniversary that weekend, and Bib may be on her way to Las Vegas that week. If I had to pick which I would rather do, I would pick Vegas, but at this point, A-Kon is a yearly thing. I HAVE to go to it. If for nothing else than just to spend time with friends that I don't see nearly enough of. I love these guys, and I would gladly take a bullet for them. Well, maybe not a bullet. Maybe a really rough dutch rub. Or an indian burn. Yeah, I would take an indian burn for the gang. I'm good that way.
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Have I told you all how much I want to join the MythBusters team? I love this show and damn you for judging me. Good Eats may be my favorite show, but as far as hard work and senseless explosions, MythBusters is a hands down riot. There is no other job in the world that would please and teach me more than working with Adam Savage.
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Lastly, want to give good luck vibes to Haiku Girl and hopes she gets that awesome sauce job in C@L. I expect no less blogging from her when she gets it. Also need to throw Judd some love for making me laugh out loud at 2 in the morning at work. Surely, he is an authentic man!

Famous people I don't know.

I was in the shower tonight, thinking of all the prank calls I've made in my lifetime. This was of course before Caller-ID, and much more easier to accomplish. Sadly, I only did this when I would stay late at Adam and Jared West's dad's office. We would go there late at night, play goofy computer games (remember text-based Star Trek?) and order pizza or grab Schlotskys and bring it back and make stupid calls to undeserving people. Although I wasn't there the night it happened, I do remember them telling the tale of them prank calling Richard Pryor. Not the cocaine-addled comedian, but an older retired gentlemen who lived in Ada. "Say man, I loved you in Superman 3!" Ah, good times...

There was also a few Bill Murreys that lived in my home town, and were also at the end of my poor attempts at being funny. "Hi, is this Bill Murrey's house? It is? Well then I loved you in Caddyshack!" *click* Yes, it is clear to me now that my poor excuse for humor was never highbrow.

Adam had a pretty good one. Some poor unfortunate soul had to live down the last name "Whitehead". Adam called them up and ask "Is this the Blackhead residence?", "No, I'm sorry, this is the Whitehead residence." My good buddy came back with "Oh sorry, I must have the wrong pimple! Ha ha!" *click*

The funny thing is, he knew the people he was calling, and when he later asked the wife what her husband thought of the call, she said he was very pissed off and wanted to kick our heads in. Heh, I can't blame him, but come on, that was pretty funny. You know you want to laugh at it. Go ahead, it's ok. Go on, I'll wait...

Finished?

I never did the standard Prince Albert in a can/Refrigerator running gags. I prefered to call businesses and act all hacked off at some poor service I had supposedly gotten. I'm sure I had caused some write-ups on some poor guy that didn't deserve it. Looking back, it was very childish and very stupid. These days I don't find prank calls funny, unless of course they are Ed-based. "Yaaay!", then at which time I wlll giggle like a retard and laugh out loud. I went through a Jerky Boys phase, a Moms Mabry phase, and then Crank Yankers is my latest one. The one where Wanda Sykes is chewing out the car detailing place for leaving a piece of human fecal matter in her auto was priceless.

Speaking of goofy things I've done, I want to take a moment and mention one of my favorite ones. When I was working at a local pizza joint and gotten an offer to test memory for a then-local computer memory reseller, I jumped at the chance. On my last day at the pizza place, I called up a different chain and had them deliver a pizza to me while I was on shift. At that point I didn't care and hated the manager there where I worked. He was a self-absorbed jerkwad and never did like me, so I felt I was justified when Pizza Hut came through the drive-thru and dropped off my meal. It was the best pizza I ever ate. I split it with the stoner there and that was his last day too. In fact, he was leaving because I was leaving. He said it just wouldn't be fun without me to brighten his normally dismal day, so I thought that was pretty cool. Cool that is, until he and I shared an apartment and he stiffed me for 4 months of rent. But I digress...

I have no idea how to end this blog, so I will instead point you to the cutest thing I have seen today!!

Has The Razor come to claim his next victim?

If Mr. Rutledge EVER reads this blog, I would like to point his attention to this link and ask him if this is the set of movies he told me about. If so, then I am so getting this box set.

My ear...sigh*...my ear is still all pressurized and not at all well. I had hoped that when I went to the restroom tonight and threatened it with a sharped paper towel tube that it would cooperate, but alas it is not meant to be.

I'm frustraited with my head. It's not conforming to my idea of health. I would think that with the amount of pills and NyQuil I pour down my pie-hole that it would be happy to quit being so sickly. Not so. Grrr!

Anybody want to buy me this? My friend Adam had it and I didn't. I was so jealous... Never underestimate the power of a transforming Nissan 300ZX!

I hate Wal-Mart

They are "teh suck". If you feel I need to justify this opinion, then just check into their politics and policies here. It is my new favorite website.

Don't get me wrong, if you shop at Wally World, I'm not going to think less of you. Heaven knows that their low prices and competitive gasoline is hard to resist. Just personally, I don't like to shop there. But I do anyway because I'm a consumer whore.

*sigh*

Muted World

Well, it turns out that the medicine actually cost $40 with insurance, but still that's a heck of a lot better than $115. I'll take that any day of the week. Bib suggested (a little late) that I should have gotten the generic, an option I had completely never thought of. See people, that's why this woman is so special to me. Even when faced with tests and children and drawing blood and running around the trama center, she can still think more clearly than I ever could. *sigh* I also STILL can not hear, it's like living in a fish bowl. If you tapped my head, it would most likey implode.

I should also point out that Bib had picked out an awesome teddy bear for me for Valentine's Day. It was up for a silent auction at work, and she put in a bid for it, but never could get time away from helping a deluge of sick people to recheck it and some jerkwad (Damn you!) got MY teddy bear. There is only one thing I must do, and that is hunt this person down for sport and take back what is mine. Right? Right!

Speaking of Brigette, tomorrow morning at 0900 she goes in to take a pre-nursing test. It's something of a screener to see if a person is even capable of taking nursing classes. I never knew that nursing was such a demanding position but my lady friend has really opened my eyes to it. Anyway, she is a tad nervious and I can't blame her. I always get sick at my stomach before tests, so I feel for her. Being filled with nervous energy can make a person just wired with anxiety. I have faith she will come out on top though. If she can tap a vein on a druggie with blown lines, drawn several tubes on a 10-month old, taking cultures and samples (of all kind!!) with a smile on her face, then I firmly believe she is going to be a nurse! Must be all that manga I've been reading, but I think she has the heart to do it, so some silly test will not stand in her way.

I ask you all to laugh at me as I am just now getting internet at my little hovel on Thursday. I am also getting my water heater replaced after living five months having to manually reset my heater everytime I wanted to do dishes or take a shower. Nothing like running late for work and having to take a frigid wash because I had forgot to push the button on the beast.

I can feel you breathe

I wake up this morning with no new development in my left ear. Here it is a full five days after that faithfull morning and my eardrum is still pressed out. Right now I'm waiting for the pharmacy to open so I can get my prescription filled for Levequin(sp?). I had went yesterday in Ada and the Wal-Mart pharm would not accept my insurance card, and they wanted $115 for ten little pills. I was shocked. So much for such a tiny pill.
I asked Bib about this and she told me that this particular antibiotic was very much a good thing, so it was worth it. I decided to wait the pain out one more day and will pick it up here in Owasso. I would rather spend $15 than $115 if I can help it. I just hope the dizziness goes away. My equilibrium is a tad askew and walking has it own fun challenge, so you can imagine what bending over in the shower to pick up a wash cloth is like. "Oh, I will get that soap that is in the corner, I'll just bend dow.... Woh!"
Brigette is feeling squished and I'm sure I'm not helping any by nipping at her heels. She hasn't had any time to herself in so long that she's almost forgotten what it's like to be one's self. I really can't relate, because even when I was married, I had the house to myself half the time, and she's had a child since she was 19, and just barely 19 at that. Poor girl. Hopefully she will get her house finished soon, school started and underway and maybe things will turn out of the best. I pray that she will find serenity soon and then finds her happy dance. :)

Only one more week until Nasicca comes out. I'm excited, to finally have my own copy instead of watching David's. Maybe Totoro will come out in this decade and I can finally see the end. And what about that tunuki movie. I've still yet to stay awake through that one!

Note to Smitty: I will understand if you and Reneay do your thing this year. We will miss you on the trip, and will eat much Salad Pretz in your absence. Happy Future Anniversary! Will this be seven years?

Happy St. Valentine's Day to my peeps

Well, I'm feeling better somewhat. I managed to go into work Saturday night and only managed to sleep about 15 minutes. Patrick had to nudge me a time or two, but considering how I was feeling, I think that was pretty good. My left ear is still stopped up, and feels like it is going to bust if I mess with it, so I'll just leave it alone and hope for the best.

Yesterday I went with Bib and her family to the city, we ate lunch and went for a whirlwind tour of OKC finest in lumber/hardware places. We spent a few hours in Lowe's and if you've ever managed to entertain two children in a hardware center, then you know how bored kids can get. Brenden and discussed the finer points of Dragon Ball Z and Mary got to climb on just about every pile of lumber there was. She was a very dusty kid when we finally got out of there. When we made it home, I gave Brigette her Valentine's Day stuff. This was the first time I could openly give her anything and I hope I didn't disappoint. What she gave me, I was not prepared for. She suggested we watch "The Notebook", a movie I was bound and determined NOT to view. And she's a devious person for making me do it...

If you've seen the trailer, you should figure out that the two old people are the star-crossed lovers they show during the preview, and that James Gardner has to read to Gina Rowlands because she doesn't remember. That's not a spoiler, that's just if you have a higher than 58 IQ and pay attention to detail. So, what I didn't prepare for was the emotional onslaught that it brought about. I will admit, I may have 'teared up' a little bit, but I DID NOT BAWL! I repeat: I did not sob like a little girl. If Brigette tells you otherwise (and I'm sure she will) she's making it up. :-D Ok... I *may* have sobbed a little bit, but only because I was choked up from all the medication. Yeah, that must have been it. The medication...

Bib got a dozen pink roses, some chocolate (what's Valentine's Day without chocolate?) and a little DVD she had been wanting. So along with the gushy card, she did pretty good this year. I've heard that her ex-husband had not always been so attentive in giving gifts sometimes, so I hope that I made this year a nice one for her. I appreciated the gift of the movie, but I wish she would have picked something a little less draining of the emotions. Here it is the next day and I'm still thinking about it. What a wimp!

Being loved is a great feeling, and I'm glad I'm well loved, so Happy Valentine's Day people. If you got something good, tell me about it and we'll compair. I hope everyone had someone to hold and tell them you love them. And some chocolate. ;-)

Feeling bad bad bad

I had come back from Ada on Tuesday afternoon and did my normal routine before going into work that night. By the time my shift was finishing, I was feeling a little soreness in my throat. Sure enough, by the time I had woken up, I was full blown sick. I had took that night off from work, knowing that Patrick hates it when I come into work sick (mainly because he has to sit next to me and don't want my ickiness), hoping to get better. I did a battery of Motrin/Tylenol/NyQuil in the hopes that I would beat it into submission. No such luck, as I had woke up Thursday morning feeling like a truck had hit me. I continued my medications, in the belief that I would win out. I take off Thursday night as well, feeling just horrible.

Next day, which is today, finds me waking up with a ringing in my ear and it is stopped up to boot. So I crawl into the shower, hoping to wash away the sickness. No dice. It's now 11:15 and I still feel bad. I was feeling the itch of the internet, so I dragged my diseased body to McDonald's and am using their internet from a remote corner. Still coughing, weezing, throat still sore, nose still running, just generally not a pleasent person to be around right now. April is not helping by meowing at me every 2 seconds. Lord knows what she wants, but I can only assume that if I could provide it for her I would in a second. I cleaned her box, food and water provided, if she wants petting, she knows by now where to go.

Today I have an appointment for my general practice doctor, with the dream that he can provide me something good to aid me in my fight agaisnt the viral/bacterial war going on inside me. Having spent time with both Brigette and her daughter this past weekend, who were both sick, I can sum up pretty quick where I go it from, but I'll deign in pointing fingers. ;-) What sucks is that she had planned on coming up this weekend, but with her sister's 21st birthday party being Saturday, there's a very high chance, that along with me being still sick, she won't make it up. Which means that all the romantic things I had planned will just have to wait. Why romantic stuff? Well, St. Valentine's Day is coming up soon, and I like to give the woman in my life my undivided attention. But not only does my woman have to work, but she will also tired afterwards, meaning that any after-work activities we do will be dependant on her staying awake. I'm sure Erin could make a joke here, and I'll ask her to keep quiet. ;-)

I'm going to try and go into work tonight, hoping I feel good enough to make it through the entire shift. Right now I can't stay awake because of the medication, and knowing how I am normally, this will be a test of one's will. So, at 4 I go to the doctor's, go get any perscriptions filled, and hope for the best. Wish me luck.

Don't watch TV if you have money

For the past two months or so, I will come home on weekday mornings and flip on the television and watch an infomercial while going through my bills or old mail or even catching up on some reading, really it's just to have some noise in the back ground. Well, the bug of commercialism almost bit me the other day. This, is my story.

Food Network had almost invariably been running an infomercial for the Magic Bullet, nothing more than a glorified blender that can also juice, whip and grind things with it's multiple attachements. I already have a hand-powered chopper, and a KitchenAid mixer, as well as a blender. I have zero need for a cheap do-dad that will never live up to it's hype. But damn if I wasn't at Target the other day, looking though their kitchen gear, when they have thier own little display of Magic Bullets. I giggle to myself, mainly for even thinking of that stupid commercial (Now taste this Burman, and tell me if you can taste any yucky spinach!) and I checked the box over for what it contained and how it can make my life easier in only 10 seconds or less.

I had picked up a small salad spinner (with manual brake! Thanks Alton Brown!) another silicon spatula (never can have to many) and a metal steamer basket. I had bought a cheapo steamer basket about two years ago, but it was so cheap that it kept falling apart, and this was only 88 cents, so I figured with it being welded and not snap-on, that it wouldn't break my budget to much. Thankfully, I did a quick tally in my head that said I had bought to much already and that I should just stop spending my tax money before I get it.

I made the mistake of telling Brigette this and she jumps into this tirade that just made me laugh at myself for it. She threatened to "kick me square in the ass" if I had spend money on the blender/juicer/whipper/grinder/chopper gizmo and that I would be forced to use it EVERY DAY had I gotten it. "But honey" I tried to reason, "If I had it, you wouldn't have to force me, I would use it everyday anyway." I said this tongue and cheek with a wry smile, but she didn't seem to care. Much like during the trip to DC, she got me to laugh very deeply, something I enjoy about her.

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While taking a shower tonight, I was being mindful that I was running short on time, so I was trying to do a quick job. Once again, my memory failed me. This time I had completely forgotten to shave under my neck. I had done my sides and chin, but didn't put any effort into my neck, so now I have this three day growth that just looks silly. I will have to shave tomorrow, so it's not a big deal, but for 24 hours I will look like a retarded hillbilly.

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Brigette's dog likes me better. But I'm only assuming that "Field's Theory" is at work and that the pup knows that I secretly sweat gravy.

Was Planning Vitrol, All I Got Was Melancholy

I was going to spew hatred about Paula Dean again, but after I checked my facts, it appeared that I missed something in my initial viewing. Then I was going to introduce a new character into my blog, "Creepy Gay Man", but then I was faced with something else. So...nevermind.

Talked to Bib tonight. Discussed something I won't go into here other that to say it has to do with a teeny tiny mole that won't go away. And no matter how much I plead for the mole to disappear, it just won't do it.

*sigh*

Why can't complications go bother somebody else? I'm full up as it is. I just want to point certain parties to this link, followed by this. I think that sums it up.

Tonight was some kind of "potluck" dinner here at work, and I didn't bring anything. Mainly because I forgot all about it. I suppose I could run out to Reaser's and get some cookies, but people aren't eating the ones that are in there now. I brought my lunch, so I didn't partake, although the spicy rice looked tempting.

So I went to the doc....Oh! Look at the shiney thing!

The doctor's visit went great. I had never been to a psychiatrist before, but it altered my perception of them. Before yesterday I thought I would be laying on a comfy leather couch while a Freudian-looking guy with a white Van Dyke would scribble in his notepad, asking me about my mother. Thankfully, this was not the case. The doctor was very nice, not at all condesending, the chair I sat in was rock hard and very uncomfortable and we just chatted like buddies.

So I got yet another medication to take, this time for the ADD he thinks I have. He had me take a self-assessment test there in his office, and the 'passing' grade for ADD was 19 points. I scored 28, meaning I more than qualified for medication. He put me on Strattera, a non-stimulant drug that will not interact with my Pimozide thankfully. I was telling Brigette that if I was going to have to stop taking my TS med for two weeks, then wait until the new stuff kicked in, I was going to be in trouble. If I am off my Pimozide for longer than four or five days, I am very twitchy. It is very noticable, not only to me, but to others. So I am extremely happy that I get to continue taking my current stuff.

Looking back, it's very obvious to me now that I had it growing up. Never paid attention in class, never started or finished homework, poor organization skills. It got to the point where if I was asked to do something I would either have to do it right then or just plain forget it as I wasn't going to remember the task later on. I am bad about forgetting plans I've made with friends, especially Paul. I've told him I would come over about a million times but always forget about it when I'm in Ada. I owe him a very expensive steak dinner that I would love to pay up on for being so forgetful. I hate that I can't remember even the most simplist things, but I am hoping that this new medication will help with that.

I was told that this would take about 2 weeks to kick in and be noticable, so I started taking it last night when I got up. God-willing as I begin this new chapter in my life with Bib I won't make the same mistakes in the past. I'm looking forward to having a happy and healthy relationship with someone that cares very much for me. I've got good friends, good family, most everybody is healthy (get well Amy & Bib!!) and I don't have any bad relationships with any of them. I'm happy. I am really happy with this point in my life. I could always ask for more, but I don't expect to be better off than I am now, with the exception of losing weight.

And speaking of weight loss, I've lost about 10lbs or so. I had a very nice compliment paid to me by Brigette's dad Ronnie. He said that he could tell in my face and my legs that I've shed a little bit. I don't know why he was checking out my gams (kidding!!) but it is very cool that somebody noticed. I look forward to more tonage lost.

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All that said, everybody ready for the SuperBowl? Commercials, movie trailers and possibly some football will be watched. Can't wait for Sunday! Dad's making chili and I can't wait!

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Can you bring me my chapstick?

Do you have the hiccups?

When standing in line at the grocery store, or sitting in a doctor's office, even sitting here at work, it is amazing how many time I have been asked if I have hiccups. Sometimes I will educate those that don't know, other times I just sigh and say yes. "Yeah" I'll say, "Hiccups..." I will smile my knowing smile and try hard to suppress the monster within. But it's hard, dear readers. It is hard.

Tourette's Syndrome is what it is normally called. I would rather call it a pain in the ass. Although it has been a little blessing in disguise I guess. Growing up a single child, I was a tad spoiled. Always wanted my way and probably knew I was king kid back then. Being given a weird social-dibilitating dysfunction can knock a person down a peg or two. So looking back, I could have grown up into a real jerk. As opposed to the only-sometimes-jerk that I am today. :-)

The reason I am bringing this up? I'm going to the doctor today to see if there is a medication that is better than the one I've been on for the past 17 years or so. I've been to two doctors already about this, and I seriously doubt this other one will do anything other than just drain my wallet. But I'm willing to try, and there's some small hope that they might give me something to look forward to. My last visit to a neurologist cost me $75 out of pocket, and when I asked him if there was anything new on TS, he gave me a very quick "No". He even confided in me that I was his first TS patient, so he didn't know JackSh*t about Tourette's. He refered me to a psycho-something, which is what I've seeing tomorrow.

Checking out the internet tonight, and I'm looking for literature to educate myself better on this condition, and I see a book out there that sounds perfect, were it not $240.00! Come on! How in the world can a book that was just published be that freakin' much? Michael, I'm looking to you for an answer. You can find it here for a look at it over at Amazon. It sounds nice and all, but that's just a crazy price for a book. I could get the children's book Let's Take Tourette Syndrome to School, which would be worth the cover alone. And why is it people leave off the "'s" in Tourette's? Weird...

Anyway, didn't mean to get off on a rant here, just thinking about it tonight, gearing up for what to tell the doctor later today. When I was a kid, my mom and dad would be there with me, telling the doctor everything, now I'm batting for myself. Something that is both exciting and frightening. I hope I can get some good news, as anything would be that would give me hope for living 'ticless'. Wish me luck!!