A reason to love America

There is an all-male Madanna tribute band called, what else, Mandonna. Go to the video section and see these characters in action. It is work-safe so rest assured I'm not giving you pr0n. Seems like a fun band. I would probably pay money to see them up on stage, waving my lighter, "Sing Lucky Star!!"

So it turns out that Mandy might not be psychic after all, it turns out I'm just predictable. So far she's been going to the bathroom no matter where I'm going down the hall. Such a funny dog. I need to upload a picture of her on here so everybody can get an idea what I have to put up with. :)

I have a problem with science

Ok, food technology has surely come a long way in the past few decades, and I have a small bone to pick with the scientists of food stuff. When mixing up a delicious glass of Quik or simular chocolate-flavored milk beverage, why is it that the powder doesn't dissolve into the milk? No matter how much you stir, it doesn't dissolve, it just clumps up or stays in it's little choco-pods.
One would think that by this point in these days of X-Box, internet dating and Paris Hilton, we would have developed a way to make a chocolate-based powder that dissolves easily into milk. I'm asking for a miracle here. It seems easy enough. I mean, sand doesn't even do this when placed into liquid. If you put sand into a liquid, what do you get? Mud! So it seems that nature is still one step ahead of edible science... (edited to say I was corrected by a friend. Sand will not dissolve into liquid. But dirt will!)

Onto other things!

I think my dog may in part be psychic. Either that, or I'm predictable. The other night I was getting read for work, and I started walking down the hallway, and Mandy darts ahead of me as she usually does and she stops by the room where I get dressed. And then a few minutes later I'm going to the bathroom and she runs ahead and stands by the bathroom. Kind of like she knew were I was going. And then she did it again tonight. It was a little unnerving, to have my dog guess where I was going correctly three times in a row. Kind of like my own Miss Cleo.

Maybe I should scatter some tarot cards on the floor and let her divine my future. I'm sure I could use some divine canine karma.

The brow is heavy with worry...

I keep seeing Vest-Guy at work, but I never do anything to initiate conversation. It's a little hard to go up to a guy and say "Hey, your vest is ugly. Let's talk about it!"
There's somebody else at work that I feel I should talk about. I don't know her real name, but Pat and I have been calling her Gimpy. It's a very mean reason, as she walks with a noticable limp. If she was a nice person, I probably wouldn't call her a mean name, but as it is, she is really annoying and as such has deserved our scorn. Let me say we never call her this to her face, just between the two of us. First off, she brings all kinds of junk food in. Now, I'll admit, I don't don't exaclty fuel my body with the best stuff, but this woman is horrible. Friday night I caught her with a zip-lock bag of Double Bubble chewing gum. That would mean that she has a bigger bag of gum, and it also says that she chose to bring that much gum into work for a night's supply.
And she always has a hugh supply of food with her. One night it counted a full bag of tortilla chips (family size), an order from Taco Bell, a family sized bag of M&Ms, and a 64 oz soft drink from QT. For only an 8-hour shift, that sure is a lot of food. And she's not even that big of a woman. She's got a few extra pounds of weight on her, but she's not huge by any means.
She also keeps her food in a chair, that she wheels into the middle of the aisle. Along with her cane, it makes for a hard time getting past her to go to the breakroom or the restroom. Many times I will spin her chair in a circle when I walk past in a passive aggressive manner to let her know that her actions hack me off. I'm so tough... :-P

I haven't talked to any of my friends with the exception of Pat at all this week. Sunday was his 31st birthday. He seems to have taken it in stride, and didn't seem to morose about it. I was a little disturbed by my 30th a while back, but I'm cool with it now. He's down in Ada until Tuesday so we'll miss our weekly DVD trip. Hopefully he enjoyed his big day.

Might get to see Kevin tonight. It's been forever since I saw him, so maybe we'll get to grill!! Yeah for grilling!

Does anybody know if Smitty got internet access at home yet?

Hamburgers and internet access

Everytime I come from Ada, I stop by the McDonald's on 44 heading East. And like everytime, I see the signs that advertise internet access for a small fee, provided you have a computer with wireless access capabilities.
So as I type this, I'm doing so from inside a McDonald's. I can hear the crew banter back and forth, I can smell the fries and burgers and I'm sipping from my cola cup that is slowly getting the table wet. Technology is awesome.

A small note to Smitty: Thank you for the place to say this weekend. It was comfortable, and I hope I didn't leave any messes. I thought it was very cool of you and 'Nea to keep me, and I appreciate this. When the time comes for me to rule the world with an iron grip, you and your family's lives will be spared. ;-)

Note to Rusty: Man-arms! You've got the tools, now get that woman!

Riddle: What do you get when you cross an apple pie, a dove, and the seventeenth letter of the alphabet?
Here's a hint: It's fantastic!

It's the end of the world as we know it...

...and I feel fine.

I did a little research tonight about the end of the world and the signs leading up to it. Here's what I got:
Arrival of Hindu's avatar of Krishna: Was supposed to happen in 2003 (According to the Hindus)
Mayan calender ends: Dec 12, 2012
Next planetary alignment: Sept 8, 2040
Muslim calender ends: 2076
Jewish calender ends: 2240
Rapture of Christians: ????

I bring this up because I was listening to Art Bell on Coast to Coast AM this morning, and in the few minutes that I heard it coming back from QT, there was a most remarkable guest. His name was Daniel, and he was an angel. He didn't specify which choir he hailed from, but he was pretty down on the celestial experience. He said his only friends are other angels, and as they are not too common here in America, he didn't have a whole lot of friends. Which is why, in 2020, our great country will be hit with a nuclear attack that will drive humanity into hiding. He said this wasn't the end of the Earth, as Earth is not meant to be destroyed in this manner, but it will be the beginning of the end. I think I missed the good parts while I was in the store, so I can't tell you what else Daniel had to say, but I'm sure it was all very helpfull information. I, for one, would like to know that when the end of the world is coming. Kind of like the Weather Channel, only more macabre.

After Danny boy, there was a guy that had the nerve to joke that since his girlfriend called him an angel the previous night, so he must be able to tell the future too. Ha ha! That would have been funny, had this caller not went on to tell Art and his listening audience about how he and his sister saw a Time Traveler once. You'll notice I capitolized that term. That's right. Say it while an eerie theremin warble plays in the background. It's that important. Oh! If you interested, a 'famous' Time Traveler is John Titor. Google that name if you want, I'm sure he's got lots of stuff. Anyway, this caller (I didn't catch his name) said that he walked off an elevator with his sister and another woman got on. He suddenly realized he needed something off his original floor, and when he turned around and pushed the Open Door button, she was gone. Naturally, the line of logic leads to her being a Time Traveler. Riiiiight. He sees people disappear before his very eyes, but he'll make fun of an angel no problem.

Ok, I did some research for you after all. Check out John Titor's site if you want. Apparently this guy just dropped off the face of the Earth, or as the website states, he returned to his year 2036. One of his pre-9/11 predictions is that in 2005, there will be a civil war in America. In 2015, it will come to a head and Russian will launch an offensive on the major cities of the US, China and Europe. We counter-attack and win, but still lose the Chins and the Brits. During the war, almost 3 billion people die. Russian then becomes our biggest commercial trader and allies. The capitol of the USA will be moved to Omaha, Nebraska. Crazy stuff!

Now see, I love stuff like this. There is nothing I like reading more, or listening to, than future events. Just a small glimpse into a fate unknown to me. I just hope there's pudding in the future. If there isn't, I'm not going. You can have your fancy jet packs and cesium clocks, your protean pills and Kraftwerk CDs. As for me and my instant pudding mix, we're fine and dandy where we are.

Odd Spam...

heh... I just got a piece of spam in my mailbox and this was the first line in the body.
Medical News. Pillz that make u hung like a house.

I have not the words...

Moving on, I plan on coming down this weekend to help Smitty move into his brand new house. This will give me the opportunity to not only see his new place, but also to possibly watch Kill Bill 2 on my laptop. I usually watch a movie on Monday nights at the 'rent's house, and that's the one I'll probably end up watching.
I've already seen it, yeah, but I've yet to watch it other than the one time in the theatre. And this was, in my mind, a great flick. Come on... Pei Mei? That's my next Halloween costume!

Pat went to the store ealier, and I'm sitting here with a full belly of the italian sub and chips that he brought back with him. After than meal, I'm feeling like a Kodiak bear that's just been shot in the butt with a tranq dart. If I pass out here in a few minutes, I'll know the reason behind it. Just tag and release me, that's all I ask.

The Return of the Madman

So, I go to the restroom earlier tonight, and wonder upon wonders, who do I pass but Vest-Guy. I take a second and see what he's got on today. A different vest this time, but it's still pretty ugly. I did't have time to extract details, but I do remember it having tan and green designs on this navy blue field. I guess it was Nordic or something, but I didn't care for it much.

One of these days I'm going to talk to him. I just wish I could catch him somewhere else besides the restroom. I want to avoid that whole area altogether.

A note to Wayne: We now who MagnAxiom is. We've known for several years, buddy. No need to sign both names. :-) And where's our Japanese swag? You'd better be putting together one heck of a PowerPoint presentation or webpage for us to view. I want details, man! And lots of pics. From Anna Millers if possible. ;D

Mission Impossible

Difficulty of playing Doom 3 while trying to keep the dog from chewing on shoes, bass guitar and juggling cubes: 8 out of 10.

I'm one mean demon-zombie killin' machine. W00t!

Now, to beat the dog for making me die after a hard sequence...

I'm as big as a house

No, seriously...

I'm as big a house. A double-wide at least.

So this is the beginning (again) of me trying to loose weight. I have gained so much weight since the end of March, after I had lost a lot of that poundage at the first of the year, that I've gained it all back and then some. And that, my friends, is not a good thing.

I've known friends that have lost it with Atkin's, Sugar-Busters, or Body For Life, or simply eating reduced-calorie diets. For me, I'm looking for the cream soda and oatmeal cream pie diet. I think that's one I could stick with. :) I need a dare-to-be-great situation. I need inspiration. And I think I've found it...

I had a friend recently get out of a bad situation. I won't go into details, but let's just say this person had it long-time coming, I think. I'm sure they are relieved to start anew. I also think that's what I need to do as well. Start anew. Clean slate, back to Square One! Do-Over!

So is this a resolution of sorts? Yeah, I guess it is. I'm tired of looking like Roger Ebert just swallowed a yacht. I'm tired of going up the stairs at work and getting winded (two flights), I'm also tired of not being able to buy clothes off the rack that I like. They just don't make cool clothes for fatties such as myself that don't cost a ton (pun intended) of money.

Less food, more exercise. Less TV, more activity. I know I'll probably forsake it for a candy bar within a few weeks, but I'm going to try. I'm up for a challenge, and this makes the Iditerod look like a cake walk. Wish me luck, give me advice, or just call me names. Either way, I'll need the encouragement.

My current favorite song

"Golden Brown" by The Stranglers

Golden Brown; texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night,
No need to fight,
Never a frown with Golden Brown

Every time just like the last
On her ship tied to the mast
To distant lands,
Takes both my hands,
Never a frown with Golden Brown

Golden Brown; finer temptress
Through the ages she's heading West
From far away,
Stays for a day,
Never a frown with Golden Brown

Never a frown
With Golden Brown
Never a frown
With Golden Brown

***********************************
Want some great, cheap and legal music or free games from the past? Well chop chop, check them out already!

I'm not in right now, please leave a message...

Buckle up folks, this one is everywhere!
Ok, first off I'd like to link to a comic for the viewing pleasure of those coffee drinkers out there. It does contain a 'dirty phrase', so be forwarned (but still work safe). Consider it an homage, if you will, to all those people drinking frilly fu-fu coffee instead of the real deal. Coffee to me should be just that; coffee! No milk, no cream, no sugar... just bitter black liquid. Black as the night and as caffinated as a case of Bawls.

Ahhhh!! That's tasty!

Now, on to other things. I've heard from two friends recently who finally saw Hellboy, not in the theater as God intended, but at home on their TV. Both of which didn't seem too impressed, and one just seemed to think it was the worst idea since the invention of telemarketing. Now, I may be looking through Mignola-colored glasses here, but I absolutly loved it. Maybe it was the beaten up, tough lived look given to it by Guillermo Navarro, or the performance brought about by Perlman, or perhaps it was the source material, all of which I've read over and over, or simply all the little touches that Guillermo del Toro slaved over, but I thought it was a very fun movie, and an incredible easy 2 hours. I could have easily sat through another hour if they had fleshed out more character development. But I understand that for the sake of the casual movie goer, that this was best. Not everybody wants to see why "pamcakes" is such a great throw-away line. But they should...

That is what I love about DVDs. You may remember in one of my posts a while back, telling you about my shiney disc collection. Yeah, I've spent a load of money on DVDs, but it's because I love them so much. I get behind all the deleted scenes, commentaries, gag reels, music videos, DTS Surround Sound options, widescreen/fullscreen options, and extended editions. Toward the end of 2004, Hellboy will be released with a 3 DVD set, and you can bet your teacups that I'm going to buy it. Why? Because it's the version that Del Toro wanted me to see. The long version of the film. A version for the fans. And the fans like to double dip for good stuff. Good stuff.(A double dip of The Princess Diaries? Come on people! Where's my Monster Squad and/or Four Rooms:SE DVDs? Priorities!)

Right before Christmas last year, New Line Cinema thought enough of their fans to release the extended cuts of Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers in certain theaters across the country along with the release of Return of the King. As many of you know, I attended with some online buddies, as well as Pat and Adam, and it was fantastic. Granted, they showed each movie back to back so it was a test of will, not to mention your bladder, to sit though the entire thing, but it was a great time to be had. It was, dare I say... magical. We were gathered for three great films, one of which we had never seen, but were all there. For the sake of the films. Up until that point, I had never seen all of my FOTR:EE DVDs, and had never even popped in TTT:EE, so it was like I was watching them for the first time. I put away what I remember seeing and watched them again through fresh eyes.

That's another one of my graces. I don't get 'taken out' of movies easily. If I'm there in my little seat, holding onto an industrial size box of Junior Mints and the 8-gallon drum of Coke Classic, then I'm into the movie, I am completely enveloped in it. Aside from a few movies *cough**Van Hellsing**cough*, I don't easily get distracted by bad acting or plot holes big enough for Star Jones to hula-hoop with. Ok, that was a fat joke and I apologize. That was wrong. But I still stand by it because it's funny.

Anyway, since I've rambled on enough, I'll try and sum up here. DVDs are good. They are good because I care about that artistic vision of the director. And aside from George Lucas, I want to see what the director wants me to see, not what the studio thinks I want to see. I want the commentaries, I want the animated menues, I want the option to listen to the movie in either Cantonese or Mandarine Chinese. And I especially want the little montages like on the Snatch 2-disc DVD. Brilliant! DVDs allow me to see every little thing I could care to about the film. And I love that.

This is also an open letter to all manner of commericalism. If the IBC Cream Soda or Shonen Jump companies want me to whore myself out to them, I'll do that as well. I love your products and I'm not ashamed to say so. I'm only ashamed of this Sailor Moon outfit I'm wearing right now. It's a little tight in the shoulders, but fits pretty good around the waist.

What? It was the only thing clean...

Short Blog!

Here of late, I've been taking up pages and pages of blog space, to talk about nothing. Well, today is going to be short. Promise!

Went to go see fishes today, had fun. Came home to sleep, which I did way to well. Got to work almost an hour late. Talked to Sean and Bib over IM shortly before having a change to do. Change went well. Thought about visiting Ada and Dallas friends more often. Miss everybody like crazy. Wishing them well...

Sean informed me that he's going to get to see the Space Shuttle launch here in a few months. That's just awesome. Makes me wish that Kim was a good friend too so I could tool around the Space Center with him. Should be a good trip!

Pets, and the love they give

So, Monday night I'm playing with Mandy, and I run my hand along side her neck and I feel what at first what I thought was a vein. I feel it again and I think it might be something else, like a growth of some sort. I make a mental note to tell Jennifer about it. So naturally when Jen comes home from work 30 minutes later, I've forgotten about it entirely.

Tuesday morning, I was planning on going out with Pat and doing our weekly constitutional, when Jen notices the growth too. She's concerned more than I was, and says we probably need to take her to the vet. I agree, as Mandy means a lot to me at this point. Sure she's a pain sometimes, but I do enjoy playing with her, and getting that look of gratititude when I let her out of the cage in the morning.

So, we're in the vet's office, and he tells us not to worry, that's it's probably just a bug bite that developed it's own layer of protection, laying just under the skin. He said that sort of thing is common for dogs, and that it will take a while to dissolve away. But he added that we should check it often and that it if starts growing, or if Mandy starts being sensitive to it, we should bring her in.

I remember growing up in little Byng, Oklahoma, and I can't think of any time in my life as a child that we took a pet to the veternarians. There was no way my parents were going to spend $70 bucks on a doctors visit for a $10 dog. Honestly, most of my pets never got sick, as they were either killed on the road or eaten by coyotes. One pet, another Beagle named Jake, who was my favorite pet in the history of petanomics, was shot. Being the tough dog he was, he managed to crawl from the neighbors down the street (whom shot him) and drag himself to our yard where he finally passed away.

The next morning dad took me to school and we both say Jake out in the yard. I asked dad what that was, as I was looking for him as he didn't come home the night before. Dad said it was probably a bad or something, although he knew what it was. Being the loving dad he was, he came back to the house, even though he was running late to work, and dug a hole for Jake so I wouldn't see it. I'm grateful for my father doing that, as he knew how much that dog meant to me. And now Mandy is really growing on me, so much that spending money on a doctor's visit is nothing. Jen and I didn't even question it, we both knew we had to take her to the vet's office.

I'm glad Jen's a pet lover like I am. I would hate to squabble over taking our dog to get checked out, so it's a relief that we're both in agreement. I know Erin Rutledge is the same way. When her cat Rumble, who was, like, 150 in cat years, passed away, it was with mixed feelings. She (the cat) hadn't been feeling good for a while, but at the same time you hate to see a member of your familiy go. And yes, pets are members of your family. If you shelter them, feed them, dote on them like children, then they are family.

If you don't have pets, I urge you to invest in one. Sure they smell, sure they puke up in front of the computer, sure they tear up $5 dollar bills, sure they destroy 512mb memory sticks...but you still love them. And that's a love you'll carry everyday.
This is Paul Harvey.... Good day!

Paris the Cowboy

IF I GET IN TROUBLE FOR WRITING THIS, THEN I APOLGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR POSTING IT, BUT IT'S A GREAT STORY AND HAS TO BE HEARD

I've told this story to some people, but it still bears repeating. This is a little amusing tale about my niece Paris. As many people know, sometimes if I come down to Ada, I'll stay up all night at work and then go drive to Ada and usually just stay up 24-30 hours in a row to visit people.
On a Sunday about two months ago, I make it to Mom and Dad's house, and it turns out my sister Brooke left her oldest child, Paris, at the folk's home. So when I get there, I get to see my niece which is a rare treat. Mom notices I look tired and suggests that I try and lay down and get what sleep I can before other kids show up. Mom's are good that way, and I treasure mine. (Thanks mom!) Anyway, I close the door to the bedroom and just lay down, don't even undress or take my shoes off, that's how tired I was.
I wasn't in there a minute before Paris comes through. "What are you doing?" comes the curiousness of a child. "I'm sleeping, what are you doing?" She kind of laughs, "Nothing" and comes and sits on the bed right next to me. We make small talk for a while and then she decides she wants to play, so she climbs up on my back and start riding my back like a horse. I pretend to be squashed and make funny noises which just sends her into giggles ('cuz I'm a good uncle that way) and I say to her "You must be the best cowgirl in the world!"
She just stops and says, "I'm not a cowgirl, I'm a cowBOY!" I kinda smile, because I know she loves her daddy very much and as such has a tendency to emulate him. I try and tell her that boys have cooties and are gross, and that since she's a girl, she's all pretty and smells like flowers all the time. She just rolls her eyes and says, "Don't start that again...". I tell her again that I'm pretty sure she's a girl and not a boy. I was there at her birth, and baring any mutant or genetic surprises, she's still the same.
At this point she gets quiet and kinda leans forward and says, "Ok, I'm going to PROVE to you that girls are gross." She then gets up and makes her way to the bedroom door, which had been open until this point. She closes it quietly and comes back onto the bed. "Ok" she says, "You can't tell anybody about this..."

Well heck yeah I freak out!

"What are you going to show me?" I ask, fully prepared to run away at the first possible sign of danger. It was at that second that mom opens up the door and says "Paris, leave Jay alone and let him get some sleep." I had never been so relieved in all my life. So thanks to mom I was saved an embarrasing situation.

I should point out that I never would have let it go 'that far' to wear I think she was going with it. The only reason it got as far as it did was because I was still laying on my stomach, trying to get some sleep. I was just lazy and hoping that the problem would go away. Luckily I was resuced by the maternal unit, who tends to look out after me.

I want to point out that I have three wonderfull nieces and I love each and every one of them. I also have two nephews who are pretty awesome as well. And that's not to mention all of my friend's kids! So to Tyler, Logan, Paris, Paige, Taylor, David Paul, Brenden, Mary, Brooklyn, Theran, Sidney, Tamara, John David and (last but certainly not least) Jamison, Jute, and that's not to forget my youngest cousin Conner, all of whom I don't see nearly enough, I hope you all grow up and become great people like I know you all are. If you ever need something, you are all welcome to come and ask.