Open Letter

Dear Militant Muslims-

Stop being douchebags.

Love-
The rest of the world

White balls in the sand

*I wrote this yesterday but couldn't post it. Here it is a day late*

Today I got my first taste of white elitism. I dipped my finger in the sport of Scotsmen, played best sober, but more often with a beer. Hitting small white balls over acres and acres of land. Yes my friends, I played golf.

Real golf too! Not that disc golf that all the hippies play. No sir! This was old rich white men golf. I even bought a glove. A single glove. Cost me $16.99 plus tax. I can't say it helped my game any, but it did protect my left hand from the elements. And Oh! The elements! I could go on like a Hemingway novel about how we braved the rain-permeated wind with high gusts and bending tree limbs. I could, but I'd be lying.

I met a few guys from work at an open course on Yale this morning, Think it was going to be a quick game and no wind, I was the only one wearing shorts and t-shirt. Everybody else is wearing jeans and either sweatshirts or long-sleeve polos. Thankfully there is no dress code on this course, but one could easily pick the hillbilly out of the bunch. I'm just lucky I wasn't playing with tree branches and stones tied to sticks, ala the Flintstones. Everybody else is pulling Pings and Cobras and Callaways from their bags, I'd be the guy with a pelican, holding it by the feet. Saved by my double awesome cart-chauffer, Derek loaned me one of his older collections, so I had a good working set. Was I any good?

Excuse me while I laugh. Hahahahaha!

The Golden Bear I am not. We followed the rule of not going above 8 strokes on any given hole. I think on all but 4 or 5 of them I 'snowman'ed it. I was truly horrible. My father would be ashamed. All the hours he had spent in the backyard, the putting greens, the driving ranges, the courses... one would think the latent talent he has would have rubbed off on me. Nay nay. I was shanking, hooking, slicing and the all comical "never hitting the ball" stroke. That's great. Out there with a group of my peers and it's like a Lucy sketch on the fairway.

"Keep your head down!", "Bend your knees, elbow straight!", "Don't pull up!", "Don't pivot here, pivot here!" I was getting frustrated by the end, and after losing my fifth ball on hole 17 I just gave up. I had fun, but I had given my all by that point. The worst thing is that I'm already sore. I'm dreading tomorrow morning. If I'm hurting now, what's tomorrow going to be like? But fun... that's the key. I had fun.

Also, Dave almost killed a guy. I could elaborate, but I won't.

Dead Hookers/Hard Choices/De Nero

Ok, I want to go to Vegas and I don't want to go alone. I also don't want any people with estrogen going with me. If there is any estrogen-bearing folk, I want to meet them there, and hopefully, come back with something only my doctor can get rid of (that's a joke, sit down ladies).

Primarily I'm looking at Mike, Pat and Paul. Adam said he would meet me out there, and maybe around next October I can save enough dough to make it a reality.

Roche? You game? I need something to rival CHUD/ROTK 2003. I wonder what Mr. Brosius is doing these days? Scott do you have his number?

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Also, my dear friend Sean lost a valued pet yesterday. She had serious tumors growing on her and it came down to a very hard choice for him to put his pup down. Nikita had tons of personality, and even though she wasn't the 'cuddliest' dog around, she made up for it in tenacity and attitude. A great dog, and Sean did everything he could to make her last hours comfortable, staying by her side while the medicine stopped her heart.

If you've got a pet, love them while you can. Even the ornery ones. :)

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Ed, this one's for you.

Postcards

Postsecret is still a cool site. They stopped archiving the old cards for your enjoyment, so you have to keep up on it weekly. If you haven't yet, check it out. Very good stuff.

In other news, a full week later I still suck at DDR. I did do a full 126-step combo on a 1 foot song, so that was pretty cool. But the fact that I'm dancing to arrows in my living rooms negates anything 'cool' about it. :-)

Answers

In case anybody cared, and I doubt you do, but here are the answers to the 20 songs list.
1 - AC/DC - Thunderstruck
2 - Puffy AmiYumi - She's Joining a Fanclub
3 - My Chemical Romance - "I'm Not OK"
4 - Led Zepplen - Black Dog
5 - Black Crowes - She Talks To Angels
6 - Violent Femmes - Kiss Off
7 - The Stranglers - Golden Brown
8 - Aqua Teen Hunger Force intro
9 - Amiee Mann - Save Me
10 - OAR - Hey Girl
11 - Barenaked Ladies - Am I The Only One
12 - Five Iron Frenzy - Superheros
13 - AC/DC - Money Talks
14 - Cat Stevens - Wild World
15 - Van Halen - Jamie's Cryin'
16 - Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane (lyrics by Lou Reed)
17 - Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sittah
18 - Queen - Killer Queen
19 - Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go
20 - INXS - Need You Tonight

So... yeah. That's about it.

My heart will asplode

This morning I awoke with a mission. To go out and purchase a very silly thing. To purchase... Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2. I have accomplished this mission and now I am reaping the benefits.

Sadly, the cat has not enjoyed this experience as much as I have.

And I don't know what kind of sadistic person calibrated the weight-loss system for this game, but I think it's grossly in error. I've hobbled my way through 5 songs, twice each and it's not giving me enough credit for calories burned. It says only 129.037 (no kidding) and I am about ready to pass out. I just did a Sneaker Pimps song (who knew they had another song besides 'Six Under Ground?) and I'm feeling it. I had to take a breather and blog about it.

So far, this is so much fun. I've 'jogged" the equivalent of .727 miles by stepping in time to tiny arrows. I'm not ready to do it in public, but get enough whiskey sours in me and who knows.

A fat man might just break out on the dance floor.

20 Songs - First lines

Got this idea from Mr. DuVall, but it was fun, and since I like doing fun things it seemed natural to slap one of my own up here. I random through my playlists and post the first line of the lyrics. Your challenge is to see if you know them. No using Google! And some are 'gimmies' but you still have to know who sang it.

1 - "I was caught in the middle of the railroad tracks."
2 - "She turned her nightlight on and blew him a kiss"
3 - "Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say"
4 - "Hey hey mama, said the way you move..."
5 - "She never mentions the word 'addiction', in certain company"
6 - "I need someone, a person to talk to..."
7 - "Golden Brown, textured like sun"
8 - "My name is... Shake-zula, the mic-rulah, the old-skoola..." - Yes, this is on my playlist...
9 - "You look like a perfect fit."
10 - "I took this girl out night, and we left around twelve"
11 - "Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh? Laugh until you cry?"
12 - "Bacon bits and jalapenios on my polish hot dog"
13 - "Tailored suits, chauffeured cars, fine hotels and big cigars"
14 - "Now that I've lost everything to you, and you've broken my heart in two"
15 - "She saw the look in his eyes, n' she knew bettah"
16 - "Anyone's who's ever had a heart, wouldn't turn around and break it"
17 - "I had visions, I was in them, I was looking into the mirror"
18 - "She keeps her Moet et Chandon in A pretty cabinet" (I had to look that up)
19 - "Darling, you've got to let me know..."
20 - "All you've got is this moment, 21st Century yesterday"

Alright, my little sample for driving music on my laptop. Some fun stuff, some nonscense and some that have actual depth to them. Which ones do ya know?

I like the way this guy thinks

If you've got three minutes to kill, read this page. It's quick and it's funny.

Things my boyfriend says.com

How can you go wrong with that?

Potty humor

There's something that's been on my mind, more or less, for the past 5 1/2 years. It's nothing 'dirty', but it does deal in dirty things. Bathrooms. Specifically the ones here where I work.

Now, I'm not discussing the cleanliness of them. I imagine they are about average in the tech-company bathroom cleanliness scale of things. I'm more concerned with quantity.

There are four break stations out in the general area of our floor, and another one here in the ECC. That's five total. That's six fridges, five sinks, five coffee machines and five microwaves. If one wants to cool their drinks, get hot coffee or heat up their popcorn, they have a bevy of choices of where to do it at.

However, doing 'the deed' is another matter. We've only got two 'restroom areas' on this floor. In each potty station there is a gender-specific area and one even has a handicap station for either gender. That's five individual restrooms total, two for males, two for females and one for gimps. Five break areas, five bathrooms. Sounds like it should be even.

Oh contrarie...

Each bathroom area (there are only two remember) are more or less in the middle of the floor. If a person is stationed in the outer limits, it makes things difficult come crisis time. Ok, I'm not about to get into my habits of getting rid of waste material, but I will say that for some people (names omitted) when the call of nature comes, it doesn't come gently. The need to go is swift and if not immediately done so will be met with severe consequences. And as such, two areas for which to do this business is just not enough. I figure that a person has the need to get a full glass of water about as often as they would need to use the restroom. I guess that there is small difference there, but for the most part, I don't see how limiting restrooms is a smart thing to do to your employees. Cabrones!

I have no way to end this rant so let me segway with this: DDR

That's right. Dance Dance Revolution. I've finally tried it and damn if it's not the most fun way to loose weight. Well, strike that. I suppose that would probably be rolling around under the covers with your partner, but since nobody wants to imagine that about me, I'll just stick with the dancing thing.

Dancing! To music! Me! Hitting stupid little arrows with your feet as they fly up at high speed and you've gotta make like Savion Glover to get a decent score. By the way, I scored a "D", which if you didn't know, is about as good in DDR as it was in junior high. I suck, but man is it a workout. If you've never tried it, I suggest you find somebody with a pad (Em, I'm looking at you) and kick everybody out of the room while you make an ass of yourself. I still won't do it in public, but it is a killer workout.

FYI: Unless you're a 90-lb asian kid, don't even think of doing a heavy song with mods. You will die.

That's all I got. Later.

MMVI is here, bitches!

Ok, I've had my New Year's kiss, I've had my New Year's ciggy, and I've already eaten a piece of pizza. So far, it's shaping up to be a normal year for me...

Happy New Years!!

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Update: It's 7:40 in the morning, I've been at work for 16 2/3 hours now. I'm tired, I've got a hangnail and I am so ready for bed. Up until now, the person in the coverage position hasn't had to do much. Last night I was on a call that lasted 3 hours for some BS that we weren't even involved with. Suck...

Need to go home, take a loooong nap and wake up and eat some black-eyed peas. And then watch Sin City. :)