The Art of the Friend
I have this friend, let's call him 'Adam' for example. 'Adam' is a multi-talented kind of guy that has been my best friend for several years. An accomplished artist, a design major with a master's degree in Theater Design, a comic book artist and he can even play a few songs on the clarinet. 'Adam' has been my best friend since the 6th grade. A valuable asset to my collective resorces.
I should also point out that this friend is gay. He came out of the proverbial closet in our senior year of high school and hasn't looked back since. Now, I consider myself a very open-minded person, and although I've got my own prejudices against certain things (of which I will not go into on this blog), being a homophobic jerkwad is not one of them. I have zero problem with the gay community.
This is where it gets complicated. My Christian upbringing tells me that I should hate those that are gay. Well, maybe not hate them, but hate the fact that they are 'not like me'. I should love the sinner but hate the sin. The only thing is, I can't give a good arguement why I should hate the sin. I am really hoping to get some dialoge going on this one. Michael, David and Smitty, I would value your input on this one. hint hint.
Now, granted, being gay isn't my cup of tea. I've never experimented and never had a desire to. Other than my straight but odd friend Pip kissing me at a bar one night while he was drunk and to see my reaction (I laughed it off), that's the closest I've come to the subject. Despite what my oldest sister thinks, I'm not gay. Not in the slightest, but if I was, I would be flamboiant and very much a queen. I think that's just my nature. I'm a very open person with my feelings I think. I would probably make a damn nice homosexual male. With the exception of being fat and sloppy, I've got the other signs down, such as my love of Broadway musicals. :-)
Anyway, I've gotten away from myself here. This post is about Adam. He's a great friend, one I'm sorry to say that I only see him once a year. He lives in New York right now, living out his dream. He's got a new car, a missing cell phone (lost in Canada!) and a super cool job. I envy him, always have. He is just the kind of person that I want to surround myself with, the ultra-creative type people that I can feed off of. My desire to create anything has been stifled these past few years because of a lack of stimuli. Other than the comic that Patrick and I did together, I haven't done anything noteworthy. Patrick is one of those type of people too, but I think with the job up here, he's having problems finding his muse too. Maybe that is what I need to find. A muse.
Anybody have Salma Hayek's number? :) Ok, that was a bad Kevin Smith reference... apologies.
7 Comments:
well how rude, you must have come ot ada and didnt let me meet bib( I assume that is bridgette). after all this time i have known you that it not nice to come with in 2 blocks and not say hello or something. what if Theran wanted to see his pal jay, how are you gonna explain that one, ahahaha. well at leat i commented.
This would be a lot easier in a Starbuck's but you chose the digital forum so I'll do my best...
First if your Christian upbringing taught you to even remotely hate homosexuals or was not explicitly clear in separating the action from the person then it was lacking in both correctness and scriptural background.
Homosexuality is morally no different than any other sexual problem. Scripture lists it equally with fornication and adultery on several occasions. That said for you it should probably be treated the way you treat those issues.
More importantly, you have to come up with why you agree or disagree with Christian morays. If you believe the Bible to be completely trustworthy then homosexuality is wrong because God said it was... Looking for natural reasons that would argue against homosexuality suggests that God saying so either isn't enough or that you don't really think He said it to begin with...
That said... One of my closest friends is a closet homosexual. It causes me no issue to spend time with him or he with me and my family. He knows I don't agree with the lifestyle, just like I wouldn't agree with an adulterous relationship. Separating myself from him would not only break the fellowship it would also negate any possible influence I might have on his life. That is were heated condemnation falls short and compassion is proven superior.
Oh, and you can't have a bad Kevin Smith reference...
Ok, I'm a little confused as to where your "Christian upbringing" taught you to hate homosexuals. Certainly not in the home you were raised in. You must know that your dad and I love Adam and have no problem whatsoever with your friendship. He has been a good friend for many years, and for that I am grateful to him. I hope you're not thinking that it's because of his lifestyle that he's successful at what he persued. If you must be envious of him, let it be because of his ambitious drive. And with that I will stop. = )
Love, Mom
Oh! Go Mom! She got you there Jay! Exactly WHERE in your upbringing did your parents teach you hate? Now, I agree with Mike that it is the action not the person. I believe this. I am not sure how I feel about the whole "gay" issue now. I have no problem with people being gay, I do however have a big problem with people who are gay trying to live a straight life. I know it happens all the time and the heartache and wreckage that it causes when the gay person can no longer live a lie is tremendous. I feel that if a person is gay they should NOT marry to try to "fit in". This only causes serious self-esteem and other issues in their partners. I will stop here, you know I'm a little touchy when it comes to this subject. I admire Adam and his bravery. I know coming from Francis, our little hick town can be harsh on anyone who is remotely different. I just wish that everyone could be as honest and true to themselves as he has been.
As the subject of this particular post (now that I have indeed seen it!), I feel an obligation to respond.
I can't speak enough about the intrinsic goodness of Jay Haney. If there is any more noble friend in the world, I have seen no evidence of such. Likewise, I've seldom met anyone who more embodies the true idea of being a "Christian." Now, my personal spiritual convictions aside, it's hard to ignore the quality of character of Jesus. Anyone who values unconditional love as the primary duty must be a child of God. (Those of you who know my extremely well, understand that I don't really hold the concept of God in the same way that most people do, judge me as you will, but just because my concept has no name, doesn't mean it's not the same thing.) In the way Jay Haney loves others, there can be no doubt to anyone with a true understanding of the character of Jesus, that Jay is a true Christian--"Christ-like". Regardless of church-going, tithing or praying habits etc., I know of few others who accomplish Jesus' primary directive more thoroughly than Jay Haney. Those who doubt what I have said here, should spend more time on the red text of the bible and less on the black.
So that's my thoughts on the subject of Jay, who even though he got it, didn't need a Christian upbringing, because he knew it all instinctively. Gary, Shirley and Nancy did an amazing job of raising Jay, and Gary and Nancy particularly were among the few in Ada who did not look upon me with condemnation after I came out. For both these things, I thank them.
As for being gay, I am who I am. Those of you who made all the previous comments to this post, thank you for what you have said. I have put a large part of my energy into being brave, and it's nice to see that some have noticed and appreciated that. The whole Bible issue has been difficult. For Jay and others who are contemplating the issue of what the Bible "says" versus how you treat those of us who are gay, I can only suggest that the Bible has as many interpretations as it does readers. But as I mentioned before, the red text is a lot more direct than anything else in there. And I think you'll find that it makes a lot more sense without all the "rules" that comprise the rest of the book, many of which directly contradict both the letter and spirit of Jesus' teachings.
Back to Jay... I love you my friend. Thank you for everything you've done for me for the last 19 years. I would not be who I am today without you.
--Adam
I agree with what you say David and thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog. I'm a little surprised to be honest, but it was a pleasant one. :-)
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