Love nights like this

I left work tonight to grab some lunch, and I flipped the radio to Coast to Coast...

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Ok, right off I'm going to admit that I have broken ever New Year's resolution I had this year except this one, that I would not talk about Coast to Coast anymore. I am now breaking it.
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...on the program was the general meley of random subjects, until one just made me break out into a smile. Had the caller talked about Shawdow People, it would have the Holey Triumvirate. It was a truck driver, on the road and he brought up the subject of the Illuminati. Oh! I knew I was in for a treat this evening, and I want to give you, my dear friends, just a simple taste of what you missed while you were all sleeping.

The Illuminati, for those that are not familier with this sinister organization, is a fictional, magical group of people that control the world from their invisible Fortress of Doom, where I hear they feed on the blood of virgins while ruling the world's economy with God-like powers. An ancient and secret sect of cult members capable of time-travel, keepers of sacred texts and fragile scrolls. Hey! They sound pretty cool, where do I sign up? I've seen books on the subject in catalogs such as Johnson Smith's Things You Never Knew Existed, where you'll find amoung the tomes of FreeMasionry, there are such books varied as Learn To Levitate and The Zen of Farting. No, I am not making that up...

Getting back on subject, the trucker was talking about how the Illuminati is behind the upcoming earthquake that will hit the Southwest United States here in a few short months. Ten's of thousands will die, hundreds of thousands will be injured and multiple billions of dollars in damage will be delt. I openly mock these type of doomsayers, but I'll be the first to crap my Levi's when that thing hits. Did this man, a member of human civilization, actually think that a select group of people could control the shifting of continental plates, miles beneath the Earth's surface? I wish I had that kind of faith in things. Still to this day, if I pick a land-line phone up I will listen first, to see if anybody else is on there. I haven't been on a partyline since I was in grade school, but the habit has stuck with me. I can't even trust the phone company, how can I trust the Illuminati?

Oh, who am I kidding. I know if I had that kind of power I would just use it to get McDonald's to bring back the mushroom swiss burger.

Later Alligators